High-Performing Men Have A Strength Problem

Strength Is Awareness

I once had a patient tell me that he had achieved everything he ever dreamed of, yet he still woke up each day with a sense of dread he could not explain. Excellence requires both technical mastery and the relentless drive to reach the top. In my work as a sports and performance psychiatrist, I often see elite athletes and business leaders who ascend to great heights only to find themselves facing internal challenges they never anticipated. Men are particularly vulnerable to this dynamic, and with June being Men’s Mental Health Awareness Month, I sat down with several experts on how they approach working with elite athletes, celebrities, and high performers to help them thrive. I spoke with Dr. Jeff Rocker, who also often treats men in highly competitive arenas such as professional sports and entertainment. He added:

One of the most common patterns I see among high performers, executives, athletes, entertainers, and public figures is the disconnect between external achievement and internal fulfillment. From the outside, they appear successful, confident, and accomplished. Internally, however, many are navigating intense pressure, loneliness, self-doubt, perfectionism, imposter syndrome, relationship challenges, or a constant fear of failure.

Fake Strength Is Lethal

Men’s Mental Health Month exists because the data demand it and the consequences of silence are measurable. Men account for four out of five suicide deaths in the United States and are significantly less likely than women to seek mental health treatment. A review published in Sports Medicine Open noted that many male athletes remain reluctant to disclose psychological struggles because of concerns about appearing weak. The barrier is not simply stigma in the abstract but a specific, developmental absence of emotional modeling that most men carry from boyhood into adulthood without ever fully recognizing what was never given to them. I spoke with author Dr. Cheyenne Bryant, who has developed a successful international coaching business and has worked with men across professional sports and entertainment for many years.

Boys are taught how not to be girls, but not always how to be men. You look to your environment. If you don't learn how to regulate or process your emotions, your behavior will show that.

“Men will say to me, when I open up, one of two things happens - either it's used against me, or I don't get what I need.”

When someone does open up, these two pitfalls need to be at the forefront of those around them. A safe environment will not be one where “anything you say can and will be held against you.” Otherwise, it may be the last time vulnerability is displayed. Often, men and high performers in general are action-oriented and want to feel that they are putting their energy into a tangible choice.

What the data reflect, and what Dr. Bryant sees daily, is a generation of men who were never given the emotional vocabulary to name what they carry, and who learned early that high output was the socially acceptable substitute for inner honesty. The cost of that substitution is rarely visible in the short term, which is precisely what makes it so dangerous. A man can spend decades building an exterior that looks like strength while the interior quietly erodes, and the people closest to him often sense it long before he does. Bryant’s work begins at that intersection, where the performance metrics are strong and the person behind them is running on empty. They are high-functioning, highly decorated, and deeply stuck, and the gap between what they project and what they feel has become a weight they carry alone because no one in their orbit has ever given them a reason to set it down.

Strength Is Accountability

When everyone around you seeks your recognition and approval, who can you go to for honest feedback? One of the greatest challenges powerful people face is finding someone willing to tell them when they have a blind spot. Are there people around you who care enough to risk offending you?

This is often developed by permitting others to play this role in your life. The people most likely to grow are those secure enough to invite constructive criticism rather than protect a fragile ego. No one is walking around with eyes in the back of their heads, but many of us can be walking with a trusted pair of eyes behind us, alerting us to impending danger. Having that humble awareness can be a defining feature of maturity in a man.

The higher someone climbs, the fewer people they may feel comfortable being completely honest with. Many become accustomed to being the person others depend on, leaving little room for their own vulnerabilities

Strength Is Alignment

When you find yourself in a position where progress feels like an uphill battle, one possible place to look is identity. The brain does not want to push that boulder uphill, and when it feels like the task does not truly align with your passion, purpose, and identity, it will continue to feel like a chore. Before finding more ways to hack productivity, we must first examine the source of the drive and see if it is in line with who we are, not just what we want to do or earn.

In her new book, Live Your Promise, Dr. Cheyenne Bryant unpacks the roots of our drive and behavior to rebuild a stronger foundation for our lives that can withstand life’s difficulties. Our thoughts and emotions determine our lives and direction. For many people, they can find themselves on autopilot over the years and not necessarily understand the hidden layer beneath the choices they make. This approach has become the foundation of her coaching work and is now being scaled through a franchise model designed to expand access to that framework.

Live Your Promise is about the thoughts and emotions that drive your life.

Understanding these key drivers is often the first step, but what follows is where the real change can happen in a person’s life. The ability to do the work with a trusted guide can often determine the destination. I spoke with Dr. Demas about how someone can approach understanding their ambitious drivers in order to course correct.

The more important question is what is driving the ambition. Is the individual moving toward purpose, passion, and impact? Or are they running from inadequacy, shame, rejection, or fear?

Bottom Line: We Need Real Strength

The data around men’s mental health can be a wake-up call for any man from the professional sports arena, the boardroom and everything in between. For many men, awareness begins with naming what they are carrying, accountability requires someone willing to challenge them, and alignment comes from ensuring their daily pursuits reflect their deepest values.